Compiled by: Topaz172
This is an adaptation of a TG story "99 Laws of TG" by Tranto (original available on fictionmania website). I would like to also thank the usual suspects for their additions.
1. The Laws of Quantum Reality favor Anthropmorphic Transformation. Of all possible outcomes to a situation, most will result in 'Morphic Transformation. Unknown containers, curious knick-knacks, and strange devices will all cause enslavement or spontaneous mental powers. Odd stores appearing, dispensing such items, and disappearing are an example of quantum realities overlapping in order to facilitate enslavement.
2. Sexual morphism is highly contagious. There is never any incidence of isolated morphing.
3. All ancient cultures had a ceremony for inducing human to animal transformation, often involving sexual fluids from the target species.
4. 85% of magic practitioners specialize in 'Morphic Transformation.
5. All animals are infected with Were-rabies and their bite causes Were-transforms in 99.6% of cases.
6. In a survey 52%, of bottlenose Dolphins said they spend thanksgiving with friends and family in West Virginia.
7. Accidents involving contaminated squirty-cream account for nearly 20% of Cat-morphs.
8. 11.2% of fanboys who get too obsessed with their hobby get what they ask for. And not always in a good way. And 80% of them are maliciously transformed into fox girls.
9. "What's happening to me?" is a required statement when your body is changing on you, and is spoken aloud in 71% of all transformations.
10. Aggression of various types is amplified in 60% of cases. Margin of error: +/- 10%.
11. Transformed humans tend to adopt commonly accepted human assumptions of the target animal rather than the animal's innate instincts.
12. 77.7% of interrogated subjects listed changes in sexual habits as the primary consequence of transformation. 51% of able respondents indicated those changes as positive, 49% as negative.
13. 96.8% of transformed subjects gain instant control of their transformed bodies both during and after the transformation, and are instantly able to use all aspects of that form somewhat fluently, with the possible exception of flight. There is no current medical explanation for this phenomenon.
14. 70 percent of women with dogs turn into one themselves. Having sex an animal turns you into an animal. (Lucky for you as you'd be arrested.)
15. At least one of any three wishes granted to any person will involve 'Morphic Transformation.
16. Law of Wish Invariability: Any wish made anywhere by anyone will inevitably be granted, unless it involves reversion of an existing transformation(See Law #1).
17. All wishes are granted in the most ironic way possible.
18. Every group of women on the planet contains at least one witch.
19. 77% of house cats are witches.
20. Any mistake made during a scientific or magical procedure will induce a were-morph state in at least one bystander.
21. Any mistake made in a process intended to induce a transformation causes more transformations , not less (see law 2).
22. Any and every sensation possible is pleasurable when emanating from the breasts. Cat-Women purposely avoid watching the ground ahead of them so that they can trip and fall on their breasts, thus bringing themselves to orgasm.
23. Any procedure that would increase the femininity of a women (i.e., by increasing the size or number of breasts) invariably turns them into nymphomaniac sluts.
24. If someone believes a potential source of 'Morphic Transformation is bogus, it will work. If someone believes a potential source of 'Morphic Transformation is authentic, it will work on someone else, while they aren't looking.
25. Evil and stupidity as expressed in Karma have a strong relationship to 'Morphic Transformation. The bigger an asshole a man is, the more bizarre and disgusting is the animal he becomes . Normal, everyday nice guys always become the Alpha male of thier new species/herd/packalmost immediately after being Transformed.
26. Any group of women volunteering for a morphic transformation contains at least one lesbian and one cat lover.
27. All men eventually enjoy and appreciate 'Morphic Transformation, even if they're being turned gay as a side-effect.
28. There are no less than three ways to spell "come".
29. Fact: The average Cat-morph masturbates 637 times daily. For men that have been the subject of a Dog-morphic Transformation this number is increased by 35% and usually involves auto-felation.
30. All men masturbate within an hour of being turned into a centaur stallion.
31. Fact: Each day hundred of acres of rain forest are cut down. This is a shame, because 95% of unknown plant species are really Amazonian tribesmen enjoying a day off.
32. 83% percent of nerds know how to induce a werewolf transformation.
33. 68% percent of men currently in existence are nerds and the constant target of abuse from every other human on the planet.
34. All nerds have memorized every law and theory of science ever conceived by humans. Spanking new scientific practices just being tested in top-secret governmental laboratories have no doubt been mapped out and improved upon by your local nerd. In the rare event that a nerd has not heard of a scientific process, he can pick it up in about three minutes, tops.
35. 72% of French-maids have no memories prior to 6 months ago other than an unreasoning fear of mice. Scientists are divided upon which exact species the French Maids are spontaneously evolving from.
36. 10% percent of men currently in existence are actually supernatural, all-powerful beings who get off on turning men into pink haired, cock shaved, Poodle puppy-boys.
37. There are no true female nerds. All females who appear to be nerds are actually witches.
38. Talismans, wands, millenium puzzles and small shiny coins attract persons with lower than average resistance to transformation.
39. 99.8% of leather fetishists secretly want to be Rotweillers chained and muzzled, guarding their master's house or believe they are completely immune to 'morphic transformation.
40. Mad scientists never get enough sex to satisfy their needs, that's why they are mad scientists.
41. First Law of Relocation Requirement: Any boy made to transfer to a new school in the middle of the year must first pass an advanced level course in Nerd-science and its uses in getting laid. If he fails to pass his nerd-science exam he is assumed to be female for purposes of Law 32.
42. Second Law of Relocation Requirement: Any girl made to transfer to a new school in the middle of the year exudes an aura which is the social equivalent of a bulls-eye. She will invariably become the target of a 'Morphic Transformation scheme before the end of her first week.
43. Research scientists are the clumsiest and most forgetful people on earth. Coincidentally, they're all involved in 'Morphic Transformation schemes, directly or indirectly.
44. Law of Liquid Similarity: Most 'Morphic Transformation formulas are utterly indistinguishable from milk, beer, coke or cum. Research scientists store them in gallon and quart jugs or beer cans and glass bottles, and bring them home for storage in the family refrigerator...just in case.
45. Law of Gastronomic Indifference: If food or drink tastes funny a man will consume it regardless.
46. Law of Precognitive Immunity: People who believe they are immune to transformation are in fact receiving a precognitive warning that they are really highly susceptible to it, and about to become something hairy and bimbo-ized .
47. Any group of women contains at least one slut. This may or may not overlap with Laws #9 and #16.
48. Law of Robotics: All people becoming robots are anatomically correct, functional and up for it, No robot by act or omission shall disobey its master, ALL...RO-BOTS... SPEAK... LIKE... WILL-I-AM... SHAT-NER.
49. All men spend their life waiting to evolve into something really kewl; therefore, when they do, they are neither shocked nor frightened, but rather immediately seize upon the opportunity as an excuse to have the greatest sexual experience of their lives.
50. No two women in a group may have the same hair color, unless that color is blond.
51. You are feeling sleepy. Feeling sleepy once a day is a sure sign of regular were-creature transformations.
52. There really is a subliminal message in 74% of rock music. It tells the listener he is a dog and should use the CD as a chew-toy, this is a conspiracy by "THEM" to boost replacement CD sales.
53. While it is possible in certain rare circumstances to reverse a 'Morphic Transformation, it is not possible to do so once body modifications where breasts have grown past a DD-cup or penis grown beyond 10" have taken place. This is known as the DD/10-barrier.
54. It is never possible to reverse a transformation until the subject of the change no longer wants to have the change reversed. The machine is never repaired until the victims have grown used to the animal-state and have learned to love their new lives.
55. Having sex always cancels out any way to reverse a transformation. Initiates are almost always warned of this, but they get caught up in the moment and have sex anyway.
56. Only women are capable of exercising prudence and judgment when making wishes. Males always make carelessly worded wishes. Females occasionally wish with common sense and forethought.
57. Genies actually only know how to change men into pink haired, cock shaved poodle puppy-boys and women into Cat-morphs. Everything else is a fraud-that's why no genie actually grants the true intent of a wish.
58. Countdowns that reach zero always result in a trance state where the victim believes they are essentially bovine in nature..NASA uses this effect to maintain the fiction that there is an American space programme. The Phallic symbolism of a Apollo rocket is entirely intentional.
59. All males, even incredibly macho, sexist, and chauvinistic ones, have incredibly fragile psyches and instantly turn into fuck-toys at the first hint of 'Morphic Transformation.
60. All homophobic males either end up as pink haired, cock shaved, poodle puppy-boys, or if untransformed feel compelled to perform deeply degrading acts in public places. The degree of morphism or humiliation being exponentially inverse to the degree of homophobia.
61. If anyone undergoes a were-creature transformation, the probability that he/she and everyone else in the immediate vicinity will engage in a random sexual act rises exponentially.
62. 'Morphic Transformation devices create spatial warps in a person's mouth and torso so that s/he may accept any penis regardless of how much collateral expansion it undergoes. A woman experiencing a Blue Whale transformation can easily accept a penis the size of a nuclear submarine.
63. Copious, unexplained lactation/breast growth is one of the most common side effects of female transformation. Indeed, it is one of the most common problems affecting women today.
64. Master-Morph PC software induces megalomaniac and Nymphomaniac tendencies in 87% of users.
65. The numbers and letters in bra sizes are not discrete quantities referring to torso and breast size respectively, but rather both refer directly to breast size. As one increases, so does the other. After 36D, the next size is 44DD, and so on until 999ZZZ. Bras are made for a single torso size that universally fits all women. 34DDD, 34EE, and 34F are all distinct, increasingly larger cup sizes. Morphs with more than one pair or array of breasts use the x# mutiplier. A typical cat-morph for example has a bra size of 36DDx6
66. Breast size is the universal standard by which a female's beauty and desirability may be measured, hence the female with the largest breasts is automatically the most attractive, this applies across all species. Men will always choose a female with large breasts over a woman who possesses smaller breasts, regardless of other qualities she might have.(I.e. personality, common interests or history, lack of a temperament based on all-consuming evil, etc...).
67. Contovertially Some scientists argue that the above law's Newtonian formula 'breast size x2 = attraction' fails to take account of multiple breast arrays, arguing that the pair constant '2' be replaced by the breast array variable 'Bn'.
68. All animals experiencing a human transformation become perfect models of male beauty, having a well defined six-pack and a 7" cock as a minimum requirement. Shaved genitals and nipple piercing, are optional.
69. Chemical Companies seldom clean up chemical spills and always abandon research facilities. 83% of chemicals left in such places will cause a mutations in local wildlife and residents. 51% will cause increased libido.
70. Statistically, American Football Coaches are more likely to know about Buffalo derived transformation drugs and techniques than any other profession.
71. In most cases demons are more interested in bondage, sex and virgins, than death and destruction. The average demon is the ultimate party animal.
72. Humans exert incredibly magnetic force. Mutation inducing ray guns allowed even brief periods of free movement will immediately swing to aim towards the nearest male. Objects as light as syringes will almost hurtle through the air to meet any man in their immediate vicinity.
73. Any woman will invariably fumble while holding a syringe that could cause a morphic transformation or superpowers related to the transformation of others and jab herself, even if she's handled hundreds in the previous hour without incident.
74. Any sort of radical new lifesaving process involves the use of animal DNA. If a doctor decides that someone should undergo a brain transplant, there will never be anyhuman bodies available.
75. Most men, after undergoing a 'Morphic Transformation, would gladly trade their intelligence for larger cocks. NOTE: Some experts argue that this is an unproved theory..pointing out that most untransformed men would also trade their intelligence for a larger cock.
76. Transplanted animal body parts always retain the previous owner's instincts, sexual orientation and libido. This effectively doubles the host's sex drive and may cause unplanned groping.
77. The leader of any group undergoing transformation will inevitably receive the most and deepest change.
78. Any spell being held in reserve as a countermeasure against 'Morphic Transformation will inevitably be forgotten or bungled. See Laws #44 and #45.
79. All handheld objects capable of causing 'Morphic Transformation exude fields which prevent any but the most tenuous of grasps by people who hold them. As such they are snatched away quite easily.
80. It is remarkably easy for a man to miss the fact that he is undergoing transformation. Most men who incur unexpected centaur transformation will not notice that anything has happened until their penis is permanently erect and 18" long or they've received confirmation from a doctor, whichever comes first.
81. If a man is asleep when he undergoes transformation, it is impossible to wake him until he is completely changed.
82. No man who will undergo a 'morphic Transformation may have sex until he has done so. Corollary: He may have sex if and only if it is necessary to facilitate the transformation. This is yet another application of Law #1.
83. Any woman who is even slightly unhappy for any reason has secretly sought to be a cat-girl her entire life. She agrees that 'Morphic Transformation is the only solution, and immediately seeks a mad scientist. She will invariably become depressed until she finds a mad scientist, at which point she will become so ecstatic it's embarrassing to listen to her.
84. Being a female animorph has no drawbacks.
85. Female animorphs live in a constant state of euphoric high, the only reasons being that they're female, have breasts, a nice fur coat and can have multiple orgasms.
86. If a man secretly longs for fem-dom, all the women close to him are supermodel cheatah-morphs so as to further his suffering.
87. Mass is generated or eliminated as is convenient. The excess mass released from turning a 6'7" 20 stone twinkie eater into a 5'11" 10 stone pink haired cock shaved poodle boy simply disappears.
88. The barriers preventing people from altering reality with small electronic devices such as TV remotes, home computers, and jury-rigged ray guns are minute at most, and quite easily surmountable...even by non-Nerds
89. The most common results of a lightning strike are: the direct altering of reality, magical powers,technological omnipotence, memory loss or the smell of charred clothing.
90. 76% of were-creatures lose the ability or desire to wear clothes. Buttons, zips and shoelaces become mysteries only the Human-Master understands. A naked creature is a happy creature.
91. Any substance used for anything other than its intended purpose (and not uncommonly even then) causes a mutagenic state.
92. If a shampoo or deodorant has "Just for Women" on the label, it invariably induces a transgender effect (as well as any fur growth) if used by any male.
93. Bovine Transformation, while inevitably pleasurable, is also the world's most popular method of revenge.
94. All pills look exactly alike and cannot be differentiated in any way. No one will ever notice one pill having been switched with another.
95. Female's erect nipples are the hardest objects known to human science. The next hardest are male's erect penises with diamonds following up at a distant third.
96. If a man is transformed into a rubber fuck-toy, it may very well go unnoticed by other people in the immediate vicinity.
97. Alien pregnancies rarely take more than a week and always induce enhanced parental instincts. Alien-human hybrids always have mental powers.
98. Reading long lists of numbers makes the reader very sleepy and very receptive to transforming 'vibes'.
99. Any group of woman contains at least one tomboy. This tomboy is usually also the witch.
100. Any group of both men and women will contain men and women of at least two of these three archetypal pairings: a jock/a tomboy; a geek/a witch; a generic man with no defining characteristics/a blonde.
101. Men who subconsciously seek to become minotaurs often apply to join a gymnasium before realising their destiny.
102. All governments wish to see each and every one of its citizens to be a brainless, cock-sucking bimbo who will have sex with you if you look at him/her funny. This is why they are coming up with a new plot involving satyr-morphic Transformation every month. These plans are usually not very well thought out and extremely short-sighted, and thus are inevitably derailed by a small group of "those damn kids" (with dog), but not before one of them undergoes satyr transformation.
103. Law Zero is the holy grail of Transformation. The equivelent of the unified field theory sought by physicists, Law Zero expresses all concepts of 'Morphic Transformation in a single elegant formula.
104. All victims of Dorm-house science experiments end up sleeping with either their best friend, their worst enemy, their room-mate or his/her pet.
105. 70% of aliens are better endowed than their Earthly equivalents, the other 30% lust after humans because they are such babes.
106. No one ever suspects deceit in deals, bets, or dares involving transformation. Males will instinctively trust anyone who changes them into an animal with their consent, even if the evidence suggests they plan to go back on the deal. This usually results in the effect being permanent and the victim becoming a sex slave and loving it.
107. Every single man at your local gym has a mysterious gap in his memory after each workout. You don't realize that, however, because there's a mysterious gap in YOUR memory.
108. There is no such thing as a female human being with blonde hair. The blonde hair is a fortunate side effect of the 'Morphic Transformation wood nymph bimboization process.
109. There is no such thing as male baldness. Women shave the heads of men they own in order to mark their property and to prevent them from devolving back into dog-morphs. Corollary: The really sadistic women pluck out the hairs one at a time, starting with the forehead and working slowly backwards. This process can sometimes take years to complete.
110. There is no truth to the statement that you can't be forced to do things under hypnosis that you don't want to do. This is a myth propagated by mad scientists to get unsuspecting victims to agree to be an experimental guinea pig as well as to keep amateurs from trying it.
111. Many transfomative experiments involve an intermediate guinea pig stage. Mad scientists do this for two reasons (a) As all guinea pigs are essentially identical, an experiment can therefore be compared with experiments by other mad scientists and (b) they get off on it.
112. 72% of all female office personnel who began their jobs wearing slacks and sensible shoes to work now wear short skirts, high heels and a low cut 36DDx6 bra. At least one of those workers is now efficiently finishing a report completely unaware of her tail and lack of panties.
113. Nearly all males who develop or acquire 'The Power' during adolescence come from families with a young and still attractive single mother, one or more similarly hot sisters (older, younger, or both), and no brothers. After some wrestling with his conscience and the incest taboo, the boy will inevitably succumb to his desire for his mother and/or sister(s). The absent father may be dead, divorced, an alien or return shortly after the boy begins to experiment with 'The Power' in order to instruct him in its use and/or inform him of his birthright.
114. If a person come into possession of a mystical transformation device encased in an object such as a watch, pendant, ring, strange box, or glowing lantern, he/she is compelled to immediately use it for sexual gratification far beyond his/her normal impulses.
115. Aliens that would give H.R.Giger nightmares consider human females sexually attractive. Corollary - Aliens that would give H.R.Giger nightmares are not too bothered if a human female has just one hole at the back or a second one at the front (which is a bonus allowing them to share)...as JarJar says "humans they'sa all looka da same to me!"
116. 80% of all female scientists are either controlling an Insidious Cat-morph Transformation Conspiracy or controlled by one.
117. All schoolboys have at least one amazingly attractive teacher whom they can use as a target for their insidious 'Morphic Transformation powers.
118. Animorphs are content with a harem/pack/herd, but Were-creatures want a powerbase and mad scientists using nanotech want to redesign the human race.
119. Most Insidious Cat-Morphic Transformation Conspiracies are Lesbian controlled. Most sport related 'Morphic Transformation conspiracies are gay and/or Russian controlled.
120. Centaur stallions never co-exist sooner or later they are compelled to determine which is the stronger..."There can BE only one